It's 2012. I like the way that sounds. Twenty-twelve. It's alliterative. And there's nothing I like more than alliteration. If someone were to ask me, "Hey, which do you like better--ice cream or alliteration?" I would have no choice but to say alliteration. I mean, ice cream is amazing, but alliteration has gotten me through some pretty tough times.
It's traditional at the start of a new year to slaughter a small animal in sacrifice atop a stone altar. Also, sometimes people make these ridiculous little promises to themselves called New Year's resolutions. Every year, on January 1st, I get naked, stand in front of the mirror, and circle my "problem areas" with a black magic marker. Usually, I am pretty marked up by the end of it, which is to say I have A LOT of problem areas. And then, after I've stopped hyperventilating (I hyperventilate when I cry hysterically), I resolve to lose a shit-ton of poundage in the coming year. Then I usually put on a sweatsuit and buy some stuff on Amazon.
As much fun as that is, this year I thought I might try to tackle some of my less tactile problems, i.e. my extreme selfishness, my crippling fear of death, and my burgeoning addiction to popsicles. To be honest, I'm not sure there's all that much I can do about the popsicle thing. The selfishness thing, well...I think that will be easy enough to overcome, as long as I always get what I want. It's uncomfortable for me not to get the attention and material items that I need and desire, so as long as I'm taken care of in that way, I should be able to fit a little selflessness into my day. As for my crippling fear of death, I sort of had an epiphany about that the other day--I probably won't die as long as I never leave my bedroom. So instead of resolving not to fear death, I just have to resolve not to leave my bedroom. That kinda goes hand in hand with my other resolution--watch so much TV that I literally have no room in my brain for non-TV-related thoughts.
I just feel like this year has so much promise, especially now that I've made the commitment to overcome some of my biggest emotional demons. 2012 is the year of possibility! As long as I always get what I want, I never have to leave my room, and I have access to an endless supply of popsicles, 2012 is lining up to be the year I change from a sick, fat, slimy, disgusting, ugly caterpillar into a gorgeous, free-spirited, beautiful, pretty, delicate, good-looking butterfly.
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