I can do anything, I'm the chief of police

Thanks for coming 'round to read The Humane Egoist. Those of you who know me know that The Humane Egoist is the title of an online newsletter I used to send out. I started writing it while I was working a hellish job as a marketing assistant for a radio station on the campus of Eastern Michigan University. I always love a job where my main duty is running to Taco Bell to pick up a stack of tacos for my boss. Mmm. Wouldn't you love to eat your way through a stack of tacos right now? Would you eat them one by one or would you just shove your face in and try to crunch through a bunch at once? I think eating would be a lot more fun if people weren't so concerned about having food smeared across their faces. Because really, what's the big deal? So I have some Grade-D ground beef on my cheeks and lips. So what? What of it? Anyway, I hope some of my loyal readers will be back to tune in to my hi-jinks again. Now I'm living in Chicago. Living the high life, that's right. Sometimes I order TWO sandwiches at lunch. That's how rich (and chubby) I am. Sometimes I order one sandwich, but TWO sodas. I have a key chain with REAL diamonds on it. One day I said to myself: where would be the best place to put your diamonds, Liz? Then I said (out loud, to myself): "I've got two words for you Liz--KEY CHAIN." Then I nodded and smiled to myself and gave myself a congratulatory pat on the back for being so clever. Now every time I open the door I remember how rich I am. Anyway, not all that much has changed with me personally since I wrote the last installment of The Humane Egoist. I'm still confused and angry much of the time. I still have a soft spot for slugs and pretty much anything else slimy. I still really like candy. The long and short of it is that I have a lot to say, so why not say it out loud and in public? I hope you enjoy this. I really do.