I want someone to eat cheese with

I'm sorry that I haven't written in a while. It's because I don't like you anymore. Any of you. No, I didn't mean that. No, really, times have been tough for me lately. I've gotten very wrapped up in applying to nursing school. Well, I'm not even actually applying to nursing school...because you can't just apply to nursing school, apparently. You can apply to a college, take a year and a half of prerequisite courses (and all the prereqs you need to get into the prereqs) and then you can apply to nursing school. But you probably won't get in, at least not right away. In fact, you're really not applying to nursing school then either--you're applying to the nursing school waiting list. Thankfully I still have my mornings at Einstein's eating a toasted bagel with garden veggie spread and doing the crossword. I'm such an old person. I should apply to a nursing home, not nursing school. And, like an old person I am very, very alone. But hey, at least I'm overweight. Some things never change. I like that I'm still hopeful when I go grocery shopping. There is still some small part of me that believes I'm going to turn it around. I still buy fruit and then let it rot. I still buy low-fat cottage cheese that I literally can't bring myself to open. It's like, I open my fridge and I'm offended by that cottage cheese. What the fuck do you think you're doing in there, cottage cheese? I wonder. You smug bastard. You're not so slim, cottage cheese. You're a tub. As in, actually a tub. That's large my friend. And your curd is large. So don't look at me like that. Hey, do you think this blog would also serve as a good application essay to nursing school? They want healthy, well-balanced people, who are smart and good at science and know what sciency words mean. I think I totally fit the bill. I know what corpulent means. It means obese. I know that because that's what I am--obese. It's not easy being obese. You don't know this, but that was the working title of Kermit's infamous "It's Not Easy Being Green" ballad. But whoever wrote that song was all, hey, Kermit's not obese! What the fuck's wrong with me? Then he switched it to "It's Not Easy Being Green" because what Kermit is is green. I guess the problem is that I don't know where I fit in. Sometimes when I watch Beauty and the Geek, I think, am I closer to a beauty or closer to Nicole, the geeky girl they brought in this season as part of a geeky girl/beautiful guy switcheroo? Nicole cried because her partner Sam had sex with fellow beauty Rebecca while she was in the room. Would I cry about that? Probably not. Then again, I do like to read. And I know that the moon is not a planet. Where do I fit?! Well, it's too much for me to figure out right now. I gotta go anyway. Hello? Is there anybody out there? Are you there, God? It's me, Margaret.