Vacation.

I would've written sooner, except I went on vacation to Mexico. My friends and I were having a great time, drinking and partying, but then for our last day my boyfriend Jeff decided he wanted to go to these ancient ruins...not the same ruins all the tourists go to, but off-the-beaten-path ruins. Anyway, once we got there, we were confronted by some angry Mayans. They shot this guy we were traveling with in the head, so of course we got scared and ran up onto the ruins, which kind of looked like a crumbling pyramid all covered in plant growth. Anyway, to make a long story short, the Mayans surrounded the ruins and we were totally stuck there!! Plus, to make matters worse, those plants growing all over the ruins were man-eating plants! What luck, huh? Anyway, the whole time I was there, all I was thinking was man I wish I could get back home because the first thing I would do is sit down and write on my Blog. So here I am. I just ate a gigantic cheese sandwich, and man, it was the best one I ever tasted. That's what being stuck on some ruins will do to ya--make you mad hungry! Mad hungry. It's funny, too, because it seems like bad things happen a lot when I go on vacation. Last summer, I decided to take my son Roarke white water rafting. I invited my husband too, but I figured he wouldn't come because he's a workaholic. In fact, I was thinking about divorcing him because we'd been growing apart for some time. But he actually did show up for the rafting trip! That made me happy, and I thought we were going to have a lot of fun, but then we were taken prisoner by a couple of guys who had robbed a cattle auction and wanted me to take them down the Gauntlet, which is this really nasty part of the river that had been closed for years because the rapids are so treacherous! I had no choice, because if I didn't do it they were going to kill me and my family. I thought for sure we would drown, but luckily we didn't, and actually my nerdy husband Tom ended up totally saving the day! It turned out to be a pretty cool trip, but a little more stressful than I would've like or than I planned on. At least there were no sharks on that trip. Once, I went to visit my scientist friends at this underwater lab called Aquatica. They were working on curing Alzheimer's Disease. I know! They are great folks. Well, they were. They are mostly all dead now because the genetically engineered super sharks that they created went a little nuts and ended up flooding Aquatica and pushing my friends and I wherever they wanted us to go (they were very smart fish), eating us one by one and inching their way toward freedom. Luckily the chef and the shark wrangler ended up killing the sharks and saving my life. Thank you Carter and...I can't remember the chef's name, but thanks. You might be thinking to yourself right now--Man, Liz, maybe you shouldn't go on vacation anymore. But no, I'm still going to. You can't let fear run your life. In fact, next month I am going flying with a Uruguayan rugby team over the Andes mountains. I can't see how anything can go wrong there.