Not so "Happening"

If you were planning on seeing M. Night Shyamalan's new film "The Happening" this weekend, I suggest making other plans. Look, I love M. Night as much as the next girl, but "The Happening" is the worst made-for-TV movie (that wasn't made for TV) I've ever seen! There was literally NO PLOT. Come on, now, I expected a little more from the writer-director of "Signs" and "The Sixth Sense."

I totally dig Shyamalan's minimalist Hitchcockian style...innocent people thrust into dangerous situations in which they must use their wits (not their fists...or machine guns as the case may be) to come out alive. I love the quiet eeriness of it all. Hell, even in this last (albeit unsuccessful) attempt at horror, there were a few moments where I was legitimately afraid of trees. However, on the whole "The Happening" felt to me like one big political statement. We get it, M. Night, global warming is bad and we have angered the plants. I'm doing everything I can to stop global warming. I don't drive an SUV. I recycle. What more do you want from me? Going to the movies is supposed to be fun, interesting, exciting even--an escape. If I wanted to watch "An Inconvenient Truth," I would have.

Still, I could probably get over the extreme soapboxiness if there had been even an ounce of chemistry between Zooey Deschanel and Mark Wahlberg. I love Mark Wahlberg, but in this movie he literally wore one expression on his face throughout--confusion. After the first 20 minutes, I'd had enough of his wrinkled brow...even if it is a handsome one. And Zooey Deschanel, please! She looked like an alien, spoke like a robot, and her character was about as interesting as a day old bagel. John Leguizamo was great as usual, but critically underused in the film. And please, no more close ups of him! The teeth! I'm sorry John, but I could hardly focus. The writing was terrible. Newsflash, M. Night, people don't talk like that!! People don't react to apocalypse-type situations by shrugging their shoulders and commenting about how hot dogs are underrated.

There was a glimmer of something good in "The Happening," a scrap of a good idea, something that (with a lot more work) could've been fleshed out into a truly groundbreaking and perhaps even terrifying film. Instead, the movie played out more like a 7th grader's book report reads--unfocused, awkward, and seemingly written the night before.