R.I.P. George Carlin

Today is a sad, sad day, because we have lost a beloved comedian and a lovely man--George Carlin. I'm a record enthusiast. I think records have a much purer sound (and are just generally better in many, many ways) than Compact Discs. I'll discuss that in more detail at a later time. Since I began collecting them when I was probably a junior or senior in high school, I've received a great many albums from a lot of my friends' parents who wanted to get rid of them to make more room for Compact Discs (fools!). One of the albums I received (I'm getting to the point now, I promise...) was George Carlin's 1972 recording, "Class Clown." It's one of my favorite comedy recordings ever. My favorite part is when George asks the audience to collectively stick their fingers in their mouths and make that popping sound you can make when you do that. It sounds so cool...plus it's funny. George was drunk with power that night. I know that's not much of a George Carlin anecdote, but it's all I've got. Here's hoping that wherever he is, good ole G.C. is chillin' and havin' a laugh.

Movie Magic

It's Saturday night and I'm sitting in bed watching "You've Got Mail." I probably should be feeling sorry for myself about now, but there's something to be said for spending a quiet evening alone. Actually, to me, watching a movie at home (or in the theater) is one of the best ways (if not the best way) to spend an evening. I just love movies, that's all.

I try to see a movie in the theater every week, and any week that I don't end up doing that is a sad week. Last week I saw "The Happening," and if you read my last post then you know how I felt about that. Before that, the last movie I saw in the theater was "Sex and the City: The Movie," which I loved. I figured it would be kind of like watching four episodes of the show back to back, which is was. It was funny, heartwarming, moving--everything you could hope for! My friend Kate and I agreed that one of the best moments of the film was when Carrie runs over to Miranda's house to comfort her on New Year's Eve.

One of the cool things about the Sex and the City franchise is that, yes, it's about relationships between men and women (all you guys out there should watch it--it's eye opening on lots of topics!), but it's also about women's relationships with one another. It makes me wonder if we treated our love-relationships more like we treat our friendships if they wouldn't last longer. We put so much pressure on our relationships to be "perfect," but we don't expect our friends to be perfect. Just an observation... See! Movies aren't just an excuse to eat a boatload of popcorn (although, that is a perk)--they're also a means for self discovery and reflection!

My ex-boyfriend used to tell me that I expect too much out of life. He used to say that I was just waiting for my life to be like a movie or a TV show, and it was never going to be like that. But my response was always the same. TV shows and movies are born out of peoples' imaginations. They are a manifestation of peoples' hopes for what the world could be, for a what a relationship could be, for what love could feel like. I refuse to give up hope that my life could be like a movie. I've already had movie moments in my life, and sure, they were fleeting, but they were great. Why should I settle for anything less than movie magic?

Here's a list of movies to watch if you want to feel inspired to live life differently (with more heart and more guts):

"Say Anything"

"It Could Happen to You"

"Patch Adams"

"Erin Brockovich"

"Legally Blonde"

"Under the Tuscan Sun"

TV shows:

"Felicity"

"Gilmore Girls"

"Sex and the City"

"Everwood"


Go ahead, call me corny.

Not so "Happening"

If you were planning on seeing M. Night Shyamalan's new film "The Happening" this weekend, I suggest making other plans. Look, I love M. Night as much as the next girl, but "The Happening" is the worst made-for-TV movie (that wasn't made for TV) I've ever seen! There was literally NO PLOT. Come on, now, I expected a little more from the writer-director of "Signs" and "The Sixth Sense."

I totally dig Shyamalan's minimalist Hitchcockian style...innocent people thrust into dangerous situations in which they must use their wits (not their fists...or machine guns as the case may be) to come out alive. I love the quiet eeriness of it all. Hell, even in this last (albeit unsuccessful) attempt at horror, there were a few moments where I was legitimately afraid of trees. However, on the whole "The Happening" felt to me like one big political statement. We get it, M. Night, global warming is bad and we have angered the plants. I'm doing everything I can to stop global warming. I don't drive an SUV. I recycle. What more do you want from me? Going to the movies is supposed to be fun, interesting, exciting even--an escape. If I wanted to watch "An Inconvenient Truth," I would have.

Still, I could probably get over the extreme soapboxiness if there had been even an ounce of chemistry between Zooey Deschanel and Mark Wahlberg. I love Mark Wahlberg, but in this movie he literally wore one expression on his face throughout--confusion. After the first 20 minutes, I'd had enough of his wrinkled brow...even if it is a handsome one. And Zooey Deschanel, please! She looked like an alien, spoke like a robot, and her character was about as interesting as a day old bagel. John Leguizamo was great as usual, but critically underused in the film. And please, no more close ups of him! The teeth! I'm sorry John, but I could hardly focus. The writing was terrible. Newsflash, M. Night, people don't talk like that!! People don't react to apocalypse-type situations by shrugging their shoulders and commenting about how hot dogs are underrated.

There was a glimmer of something good in "The Happening," a scrap of a good idea, something that (with a lot more work) could've been fleshed out into a truly groundbreaking and perhaps even terrifying film. Instead, the movie played out more like a 7th grader's book report reads--unfocused, awkward, and seemingly written the night before.

I heart Fred.

I think I have found the answer to the Chicago single woman's woes...and his name is Fred. Listen up, ladies, because this guy is the real deal. Bachelorette Deanna Pappas gave Fred the boot last night, and in possibly the saddest and most hopeful limo-moment yet, Chicagoan Fred spoke about what he hoped his future would hold...love, marriage, and having a "bunch of kids." Fred is handsome, funny, and down to Earth. While some guys boasted to Deanna about having bought previous girlfriends (and ex-fiances....um, what?...red flag much?) bags and bags of rose petals (who would want that, by the way?), Fred said that his idea of romance was a quiet getaway to Lake Geneva...a boat cruise, some good food, some relaxation. Sign me up, Fred! While Deanna appears to favor standoffish scruffy bad-boy Graham, I can't help but see the glory that is Fred. Ellen Degeneres agrees! She awarded Fred a rose when the guys came to visit her show on one of their group dates. So, Chicago ladies, I implore you--look Fred up! He's a solid gold pocket watch in a world of "bling."

Check him out!

In the midst of a deep homosexual panic

Hello all! I am sorry I'm such a loser and haven't posted anything in so long. I think it's because I have incredibly low self esteem. I can barely look at myself in the mirror (ugly! ugly!), let alone write about myself on my blog. Oh, what the hay, here goes:

I'm three weeks into my Chemistry class and it is murder. Electron configurations and covalent bonds, be damned! Being back in college is strange. It doesn't feel as important as it used to. College (the first time around) felt incredibly important, like the only thing in my world that mattered was getting an A in Fiction & Poetry class and making sure my teachers all loved and admired me and basked in the glory that was me. After having spent a few years in the dark and dirty "real world," I don't think so highly of myself anymore. I know that I am trash, and I own it. Now Chemistry class feels like an afterthought. It's as though I am a character in a play--pretending, going through the motions. I am a ventriloquist's dummy, wooden and empty inside.

So, David Cook won American Idol!!!! I am so pleased. He is possibly the most adorable and perfect creature ever to grace God's green earth. Bless you, D.C. You are my dark lord.

I just watched the "Real Housewives of New York City: Reunion Show" today. I know, I am little bit behind the times. But I've gotta say, those ladies sure do know how to throw down. I can't help it. They're all power-hungry, petty bitches, but I love 'em.

The mind is a wonderful servant, but a terrible master

So, I started school and I haven't gotten shot yet--praise Jesus. But I did pick out the safest spot to sit in my classroom just in case a shooter does come busting through the door one day. This is going to sound silly, but today I found myself staring fearfully at this mildly-retarded boy who was walking through the student center. It was just, he hand his hand under his coat in a very menacing way.

The best thing about going back to school is the commute. No really, it is. Because I don't have to go on any major highways (which means I get to look at a shit load of Applebee's restaurants and Home Depot stores and huge suburban homes in which live families much wealthier (but probably not much happier...ok, probably happier) than mine, all of which make me smile from within) and while I'm driving I get to catch up on Podcasts! My favorite Podcast, I think, is the Barnes and Noble Meet the Writers Podcast, hosted by Steve Bertrand. I'm pretty sure they record the Podcast in Chicago, because Steven Bertrand is always saying things like, "Well, here in Chicago..." That makes me think that maybe I know Steve Bertrand because I used to work at B&N's flagship store in Chicago and one of my manager's names was Steve!! But their voices don't really match. Plus, they probably got someone flashier than my manager to do the Podcast, although Steve was always very nice and his khaki slacks were always pressed neatly. Anyway, it's a good podcast...only about 10-15 minutes long, but it updates regularly and Steve Bertrand interviews all sorts of different writers. Their stories are amazing and often pretty inspiring. It might not be that interesting to someone who's not an aspiring writer, but even if you're just a book lover, you should give it a listen. Here's a link to a couple of fun ones I just listened to:

Click here and you can listen to the podcast at your computer, or you can go to iTunes and search for Barnes and Noble Meet the Writers Podcast and subscribe! I recommend listening to the Martha Beck, Debbie Macomber, and Karen Joy Fowler casts! These are the ones I listened to on the drive home today.

School, and other things I'm afraid of.

So tomorrow I go back to college. I've got a bunch of sharpened number two pencils, a Chemistry book that only cost me $120 (what a steal!), and of course a shiny red apple for my teacher. I've gotta be honest though, I'm worried about school shootings. In fact, they just found some threatening graffiti at Oakland University, which is the school I'll be attending. So, I might end up dying soon, which means that I wouldn't be able to post anymore blogs...but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. A few weeks ago, an episode of "Medium" featured people taking a Tylenol-esque drug and promptly dying. So now I'm afraid to take medicine. I've also been watching a lot of that Oxygen Network documentary-style series "Snapped," which features stories about women who killed their husbands A. in a fit of rage B. for insurance money, or C. because "he totally deserved it." So now I'm afraid to get married. All the episodes have narration that goes something like this: "Tandi thought Bill was the perfect man, but it wasn't until after they got married that she learned he had a dark side. Yes, one dark and dank afternoon Tandi wandered into Bill's basement workshop (even though he told her never to go in there!) and found something sinister...oh so very sinister." They don't tell you what the sinister thing she found was until after the commercial break. Even though the show scares me, it also makes me feel good because it makes me realize that no one is who you think they are, and in a way that's kind of comforting because usually I walk around thinking that everyone is a lot more together than I am. I guess if the worst thing I do is hide bags of Tostitos bite-size gold tortilla chips in my closet and eat them while watching back episodes of VH1's Miss Rap Supreme, then that's not so bad. Hey, I'm only human. Anyway, the list of things I'm scared of goes on and on--the shifty guy who stands in front of the hot nut stand at the mall and acts as if he's about to open his flannel shirt-coat and reveal a bomb strapped to his chest, undercooked meat, the fact that if I accidentally let go of my dog's leash he might catch up to the people walking in front of me and eat their Chihuahua, marionettes, and more. Cat Stevens says "Don't wear fear or nobody will know you're there." He's probably right, but then again...I'm a little afraid of Cat Stevens.