Candy-pocalypse

Today, you're in luck, because I've come up with some random musings that I think you'll find entertaining. Buckle up, 'cause mama just found her keys and we're a goin' drivin'.

Random Musings

1. It's fun adding the word 'pocalypse' to the end of other words. For example, one day, around Halloween, when I was doing my nursing preceptorship (which is like an apprenticeship where you work one on one with a nurse and she teaches you and you learn and eventually you teach her and she says, "Look who's the teacher now!" and you say, "Ahh geez, Phyllis, you're makin' me embarrassed!" and she says, "No but seriously Diane, you are a top notch nursing student!" and you say, "It's not Diane, it's Dion" and she says how ashamed she is), this ER tech came to work and said, "I went to CVS and there was literally NO CANDY THERE!" And then I said, "Oh no! It's a candy-pocalypse!" She didn't get it. She didn't giggle or even crack a smile, but I was quite pleased with myself. Another example would be when you run out of toilet paper, you could say, "It's a toilet paper-pocalypse!" Or if you were going through a dry spell sexually, you could say, "It's NOT raining men!"

2. I have decided that pictures of puppies asleep are adorable, especially when they are dressed up in wizard costumes. Puppies asleep in a wicker chair? Also fucking adorable. Equally adorable is a picture of someone rolling a puppy down a mountain. It's also cute when someone takes a picture of a puppy asleep on a computer keyboard or asleep on a desk covered in papers--because it totally looks like the puppy fell asleep while he was doing his taxes!

You know what's NOT adorable though? A creepy picture of a baby asleep in a cloth hammock that's held up by a hook that looks like it belongs to the killer from "I Know What You Did Last Summer" (as well as sequels "I Still Know What You Did Last Summer" and "I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer"). Moral of the story: sleeping puppies in quirky outfits and silly settings--great, sleeping babies in baskets, boxes, with wings, wearing jail outfits, held up by hooks, etc.--bone shatteringly frightening.

3. What's UP with the baggers at the grocery store? Why do they always ask you if you want a bag for the bulkiest and most awkward-to-carry items? I walk up to the counter with 6 packs of AA batteries and a medium-size bag of cat food and all the bagger girl can say is, "Um...do you, like, want a bag for this cat food?" Well, actually, the BATTERIES could fit in my purse, but the cat food is fucking annoying as SHIT to carry, so yeah, I'd like a bag. And also: fuck you. Just assume that unless I say I don't want a bag, I WANT A BAG. It's not like they don't have a bag big enough to fit a medium bag of cat food or a couple of two liters of pop. Do you know how annoying it is to try to free-hand 2 two-liters of pop up 20 stairs in the god JAM dead of Winter? I've had it. I have absolutely had it.

Ok. That's enough random musings for now. If you're wondering about the picture of the basket of white kittens at the beginning of this post, that's just my favorite picture that came up when I typed "pocalypse" into an image search.