New Normal

I am now a graduate nurse. I can give you a TB shot. I can insert a Foley catheter into you. I am a medical professional. And it feels weird.

Maybe it feels weird because I have so much time off. I'm used to having to study constantly. I'm used to the constant threat of failure, and I'm used to having to face my fears on a daily basis. I'm used to crying because I contaminated my sterile field (I have gotten the hang of that now, but it's still intimidating). But now, I don't have to worry about that stuff anymore (at least not until I get a job). I could still fail the NCLEX, though, so there is that.

I haven't started studying for it. I have been spending my days watching TV (today I watched 'A Killer Among Friends' starring Patty Duke and Tiffany Amber Theissen) and applying for jobs and thinking about the future and the kind of person I would like to someday be. It's almost 2011, so now is a good time for re-invention I guess.

Next year, I want to lose the 100 pounds or so of unsightly fat that have taken up residence all over my body (totally my fault, by the way). I want to get a nursing job that I like at a good hospital and grow professionally. I want to travel more (I'm definitely going to check out Portland, Oregon, and I want to go back to New York City, too, and see a taping of SNL).

Nursing school was a great experience because it made me push myself in ways that I never would have otherwise. I had to do things that made me nervous. I want to keep going down that path. I also want to figure out how the heck those centipede bugs keep getting into my house.

Sorry this is not a super fun post. But I'm kind of depressed. Damn you Winter! Damn you change! This is totally JUST like the end of Cast Away, where Chuck Noland is standing in the middle of that dusty crossroads and he has to decide which way to go. Should he follow the hot angel wings lady? I mean, he can't go home because his fiancée totally married another guy and had a baby with him while Chuck was stuck on that island with Wilson. This is so typical. My life always mirrors Tom Hanks movies. First I meet that strange guy, fall in love with him, and then find out he's a mer-man, and now this!

I will probably do what Tom did in Big. I will go to a carnival, find a Zoltar machine and make a wish for my most pressing desire. I will not wish to be 'big' like Tom did, because I am already 100 pounds bigger than I'd like (and I can already ride whatever rides I want at the fair). I will probably not wish to be rich, because that's a lost cause. I will not wish to meet the man of my dreams, because I already met him (he was a mer-man and had to go back to living in the Atlantic off Cape Cod. I would've gone with him, but eh...). No, I will not wish for any of those things. Instead, I will wish to be brave--brave enough to go after what I want and seize it when I find it.