You are a fucking ugly bitch and I want to stab you to death and play with your blood.

I'm going to try to post new entries more often. I'm really sorry. I'm a pathetic excuse for a human being. Even though I know that very few people read this, I've started to get what I've affectionately termed blog-anoia. Now when someone looks at me with sad eyes and tilts their head and says something like, "Are you ok? No, really, be honest.", I think uhhhh did they read my blog? But it's cool. Writing is (or should be, I think) about honesty. So I'm trying to be as honest as possible with this. I don't think I always succeed, either. Because you don't want to know how bad things really are. Just kidding. Alright, so in the spirit of honesty...

Things that are on my mind:

1. I shouldn't be allowed to watch The View or any other talk shows or news programs for that matter. Today on The View (which I only caught by accident. Come on guys, I'm a nanny, which is practically a stay at home mom. This programming is aimed right at me!) they were talking about how the polar ice caps are DEFINITELY GOING TO MELT IN 23 YEARS. What? I mean, I know we're in trouble with Global Warming and everything, but when I hear things like that it makes me feel like there's no hope. It makes me feel like there's an expiration date on my life. And I have no idea, other than the obvious buying reusable grocery bags and not running the water when I brush my teeth, what the hell I'm supposed to do. Tell me what to do, someone! I don't want to have to wear a spacesuit someday just to grab the paper off the stoop.

2. Someone told me recently that "water is the new oil." This is a scary thought. Then the person who told me that followed it up with this tidbit: "they're going to drain the Great Lakes." Da da DUM. Don't you just love alarmists? But now every time I turn on the faucet I imagine that it's oil spilling out...washing my dishes in oil, bathing in oil (or a commodity as precious as oil). It's making me nuts. Again, what can I do? I feel hopeless. We can't live without water but we can live without oil.

Things that are annoying:

1. Bras. Bras are such a pain in the ass. It's fucking hard to get my bra clasped. My arms don't bend that way. And what about putting on a bra after you get out of the shower? Putting on any clothes while your body is damp is frustrating, but putting a bra onto a damp body is sincerely tough. What about when you put your bra on and then realize that one strap is twisted and you have to do it all over again? Fuck!

Things that are great:

1. The Rubik's Cube. I know, it's totally 80s, but I'm in love with my Rubik's Cube. I've been messing with it nonstop since I got it, and I finally finally finally got TWO SIDES. For you fellow cubers out there, you know that's a big accomplishment! I'm this close to solving the whole thing.

2. Campbell's Select Italian Sausage and Pepperoni. They might as well call it Pizza Soup. It's delicious.