A List: Things I Want To Do This Summer

In no particular order...

1. Make friends with a hobo



2. Learn to fly. No--not learn to fly a plane. I mean, learn to fly MY BODY. I just think that would be a neat thing to know how to do.

3. Go to Oscoda, Michigan for a long weekend and walk on the beach, canoe, play mini golf, ride a horse, eat at the Turkey Roost, go to the Red Barn and buy polished rocks, contemplate my life while staring at the impossibly brilliant starry sky and feeling the delicate caress of a cool breeze on my face. Lansy, you coming??

4. Immerse myself in a swimming pool filled with cooked spaghetti noodles.

5. Lose a ton of weight, because I'm sick of feeling like a disgusting giant and having almost-constant insecure thoughts. And I don't want to lose weight just because it's going to be shorts season soon! As if I would ever wear shorts. I wouldn't. Even if I had a better body, I wouldn't. You pretty much have to have a perfect body to look good in shorts...and even then I think shorts look tacky. You wear shorts, you live in a trailer park, or you're a hooch who wants to show off the Hello Kitty tattoo you have on your upper thigh, or you're an old woman who likes to garden and has stopped caring about covering up her unsightly varicose veins. I just want to set myself free from my always-gets-in-my-way-makes-me-second-guess-myself-constantly-and-keeps-me-from-being-the-person-I-really-want-to-be body. Also: I'm getting kind of sick of Cheeseburger Mondays, Donut-Ham-Hamburger Tuesdays, Marshmallow Peeps Wednesdays, Liter-a-Cola Thursdays, Fried Fish Fridays, Souvlaki Saturdays, and Chinese Pork Rib Sundays.

6. Go to some Tigers games.

7. Go to Chicago a number of times to see Kate. Go to Taste of Chicago (see list item #5). See Sean and Catie. Finally go to Rainbow Cone (see list item #5). Finally go to Medieval Times. Go see something in 3D at the Imax on Navy Pier, then ride the Speed Dog boat. Of COURSE, visit Novelty Golf and Games and maybe, hopefully, if all my wishes and dreams come true...find a way to ride the Tomb of Doom again.

8. Go to the Detroit Zoo, perhaps weekly.

9. Walk the edge of a live volcano.



10. Go shark diving in South Africa.

11. Go shark diving in South Africa. What? I already said that??? Well, I REALLY want to do it.



12. Do one of those work outs where you get to swing around on a trapeze.

13. Win a GIANT plush toy at Lapeer Days. And I'd like to win it without having to spend any money. This may mean giving out sexual favors to carnies...but I'm ok with that. You don't know how much I love giant plush toys. Also, when you "do stuff" with carnies, they give you VIP ride tickets and corn-dogs (see list item #5). Totally worth it. True story.

14. Go to Naaaawlins. Kate, you're planning this. Thank you for being my travel bitch.

15. Lie on a lawn of freshly cut grass while rose petals fall gently from the sky and land atop my naked shoulders.

16. Stumble upon a duffel bag full of money. And by "stumble upon," I mean watch from behind a tree as a criminal buries it in the woods, then come back later and dig it up, then skip town and start a new life in Bratislava, Slovakia.



17. Find Narnia...because even though he's half-man-half-fawn...and a tiny bit creepy...I'm pretty sure Mr. Tumnus is my other half.



18. Spend an inordinate amount of time inside a darkened, air-conditioned, movie theater watching every summer blockbuster, every horror movie, every indie film, every action movie, every thriller, every rom-com, every everything!! Fuck, I love movies.

19. Go on an ill-fated summer-school sailing trip.



20. Marry this man (because he reminds me of summer):